An Apparation of Acceptance
by FanaticHarmony
Summary: This takes place after 3x10 Left Behind, so Felicity still hasn't decided to join team arrow again yet in this story. Exhausted from grief, she finds herself in a trance where an apparition of Oliver appears with her. Oliver comforts her & tries to convince her to move on, while Felicity confronts her pain and unspoken words, giving her a new sense of closure & acceptance.


Authors note: Hello all! I wrote this fanfiction that takes place after 3x10 Left Behind. I was hoping to get it out before the next episode aired, but alas, finals week kept me busy! Therefore, because this is set before episode 3x11 Midnight City, Felicity still hasn't decided to join team arrow again yet in this story. I hope whoever is reading this enjoys! Disclaimer; I do not own Arrow or its characters.

Felicity walked into her apartment and straight into her room, exhausted from the day. Her eyes seemed to have permanent bags under them, she felt like a zombie when walking around the people in the office. Ray had suggested she take some time off, but she refused. Doing her job was one of the only ways she could distract herself, she hadn't been in the arrow cave in over a week. Diggle had been calling her every other day, trying to reach out to her. It was sweet of him to want to make sure she was ok. Nevertheless, every time he called, it reminded her of what danger they were all putting themselves in. Therefore, when her cell phone buzzed with Diggle's face popping up on the screen, she tossed it aside. She laid down closing her eyes, trying to ignore the scrutinizing sound of her phone.

"Felicity, what are you doing?"

The sound of the voice made her jolt in surprise. She slowly looked up, finding her eyes meeting someone she thought she'd never see again. It was Oliver, standing in the corner of her room. She couldn't accumulate words to speak, she just sat there and gaped at him, "Diggle, Roy, and Laurel can't save the Glades without your help, they need you." He said it as if there was no denying it, walking towards her as she sat frozen.

"Oliver?" Her voice was a hushed whisper; the only thing that made it audible was the crack of pain that strung from it. She knew that this was an allusion; being driven crazy by the grief of his loss. Seeing a misconception of him was agonizing, but somehow his false presence made her more at ease. She didn't care if she was talking to a ghost or not, she needed to talk to him, even if he wasn't real.

"Felicity I understand that you need time, but you can't just—," he started to say but Felicity interrupted, jumping up from where she sat.

"I won't do it anymore, no; I can't do it anymore Oliver! I will not stand on the sidelines and watch my friends die one by one!" she exclaimed, tears starting to spring from her eyes. "I want to do it for you, for the city…but I cant." She muttered softly. She spoke hurriedly, afraid he would disappear in the blink of an eye.

Her pain seemed to hurt him as much as it was hurting her. His eyes held anguish, but still had determination as he walked closer to her. "I know you, I know your incredible strength," he stated without hesitance. She shook her head, laughing a little at the situation in spite of herself. "Listen to me; even when you break, you're still together. It takes all that you have, all that you are, to move forward. But you have to Felicity; you need to keep on living." His eyes deeply poured into hers, begging her to understand.

"You didn't."

The words echoed out in the room. It was harsh to say, but she couldn't help herself from saying it. He noticeably gulped, solace reflecting in his expression. She tentatively stepped forward, confronting her pain. "Everyone I've truly cared about has either left me or has died. My father, my boss, Sarah, and…and now _you_," she whimpered, tears stinging her eyes. "I can't do the right thing anymore. I know now that's selfish…but I can't be involved in doing the righteous thing when I know it's just going to end in pain." Her words were stringent. She shouldn't be raising her voice at him, even if this wasn't real. She was getting the chance to talk to him again, and she was spending it closing him off.

"So what are you going to do Felicity, numb yourself so you don't feel anything for anybody? Because that's not enough, it will never be enough. You can't just shut everybody out!"

She grimaced at his statement, knowing he spoke the truth. Oliver was pacing around the room, tensely gripping his neck. As he looked back at her, he stopped.

"I know that's rich coming from me, it seemed to be my specialty." As he said that, he seemed more at ease, his lips starting to rise. "I thought distancing me from others would be what was best for everyone involved, that it would be worth it…but it wasn't. I should have never pushed you away. I was a coward." He steadily placed his hands on Felicity's arm, intensity filling his eyes, "No matter the danger, no matter the fear, and no matter the cost, live and love to the fullest extent. Please Felicity, learn from my mistakes," he pleaded.

His words hit her hard. She didn't want to accept them, but she knew she had to. She sat back down on her bed; Oliver copied her actions and did the same. "It's too late for me to do that with you, isn't it?" she whispered. He placed his hands on hers, gripping them softly. "I didn't get to tell you how I feel, and I'll never be able to! When you told me that you loved me, I was too afraid that if I said it back, it would be the last time. Now, there's this agonizing weight! I was so stubborn from you not giving us a chance, that I thought couldn't let you see how much I need you. How much I—."

"Felicity, it's okay. Somehow…I knew," he interrupted, stating it simply. She looked at him with shock, disbelief corded through her body. His eyes flashed with elation, he moved one of his palms to her cheek. She reflexively leaned into his touch, relaxing at the memory of his warmth. "You were my inspiration, my light that led me through the darkness. You made me the hero that I became. I will always, _always_, love you."

He leaned in his forehead to hers, closing his eyes. But she couldn't look away from him, she didn't want to risk coming out of this trance. Felicity didn't want to accept that she'd never see him again, touch him again, be with him again.

"I love you Oliver—I can't let you go," she said desperately, clinging to his hand.

"You don't have to, you can keep my memory, and my love for you forever," he said, pulling away slightly to show the assurance in his eyes. "But you deserve to be happy, and to do that, you need to believe in yourself. That you can move on, without me. You just need the courage to do it."

She nodded. Pursing her lips as he stood up, still holding her hand. "I will _always, _love the man who walked into my office with a laptop covered in bullet holes," she said with a broken smile.

He laughed, having a gleam of enchantment and adoration in his eyes. "And I will love the women who had a red pen in her mouth, babbling and bringing me back to humanity for eternity," he replied, squeezing her hand one last time.

With those last words, she held her breath, giving one last look and let go of his hand. Felicity knew that she had finally accepted what she had to do, releasing his hand had meant letting go of the grief that remained there. She closed her eyes for a quick moment, taking a few breaths before reopening them. When she looked up, he was gone. She was alone.

The room was yet again filled with eerie silence like it was only a few minutes ago. That's when she couldn't hold herself together for any longer. She closed her eyes again, crumpling onto the floor, and wept.

Awhile later, she heard her phone start to buzz again and picked it up. "Hey Diggle…yes I'm okay. I'll be there right away."

She steadily got up, whipping her eyes. She quickly walked over to the door, pushing it open. Then, Felicity finally had the bravery to close the door behind her.


End file.
